I feel no need to be informed of the "critical breaking news events" worldwide. I don't particularly care to know that a solider got sentenced to 90 years in the Iraqi rape-murder case. It doesn't matter to me that a Brazilian fashion model died of a generalized infection caused by anorexia (and she only weighed 88 pounds). It does not effect me that four Americans and one Austrian are being held captive in Iraq, and why not?

     I am tired. My empathy, my sympathy, is spread too thin. I cannot possibly mourn for all of the atrocities in the world, any more than I am capable of changing them. To say, "It just takes one person," is a bold-faced lie; well, perhaps it is true, if that one person happens to be a representative in the Security Council, or an infamous terrorist, but that "one person" certainly does not refer to me, the lower upper-class, 19 year-old Criminal Justice student with too big of a heart and mind. I cannot do anything about it. I could vote, but I find flaw even in that system; perhaps the Electoral College was a fantastic idea at it's birth, but now it is useless. How can we possibly call an election fair when the candidate that took the popular votes somehow lost in the Electoral College? Would the world still be in the same place? I doubt it. I'm not claiming that it would be better, but it's hard to imagine it being worse. Either way, to return to my point; I cannot change these things, and therefore, I feel I am entitled to live in ignorant bliss with the other 85% of the population.

     Oh, sure, I'll stay informed, but only peripherally. Just in case. Just in case there is some mass disaster and I am one of the only ones left standing  when the dust settles. (An unlikely sort of situation, as I hardly credit myself with the ability for long-term survival without help; I am meek until I want to be strong.) Then, it may benefit me to know about new scientific discoveries, the ingredients of whichever bomb finally dropped ; I would like to know whether I will die because poisonous gases will burn my lungs the second I step out of the shelter, or if I will instead endure a long, heinous death comprised of mass tumors and hemorrhages, thanks to radiation. Yes, then, it is obviously important to be at least somewhat "in the know", but only "somewhat".

     Instead, I will spend my time reading about things that make me smile, or conversely, things that make me cry. Not, you understand, because they are so sad, but rather because they are touching. I will read about the "Secret Santa" that has given away 1.3 million dollars to the needy, and I will cry that there are still good people in this world. I will watch the news stories referencing high-school teenagers rebuilding homes for those without them, and I will smile. I will - wait, I have run out of stories to reference. The media has run out of stories to provide me with. They are too busy focusing on death, sex, and drugs; those things sell. Those things appeal; the audience likes to be appalled. They like to have concrete examples of their inherit good ; "I do not rape, and therefore, there is at least one person that is worse off than I." They like to have concrete examples of why their children should guard  their virtue; "There are nasty old men in the park that will hurt you if don't do everything I ever tell you to do." (Lest the children think and learn for themselves.) These people do not want feel-good stories, and I cannot blame them. Were I as desensitized as they, I imagine I would crave blood as well. I have informed those closest to me that I have no desire to continue watching horror films, gore fests, or whatever you may call them.

     Why? No, I am not frightened by them, and it is that lack of emotion that is truly scary. I do not WANT to be so indifferent to the pain (portrayed or genuine) of others that when I see it in the news, I have no reaction. I do not WANT to be able to watch such quality films as Hostel without vomiting. I want to keep my sensitivity, my innocence, because it is that that will be my saving grace. Fearing the world and everything in it will not help you. Scaring your children before they fall asleep at night will not prevent them from straying. The best defense against the evil is to focus on the good. Yes, the murderers, the rapists, the drug-dealers and thieves will still operate, but when you notice them less, when you let go of all of your fear, you will find a better world. The chances are so slim that you will encounter some thug that being "prepared" does not help; it is impossible to truly prepare for the unexpected. Carrying a gun in your car, sleeping next to a baseball bat; those do nothing except inspire even more fear, and it is a vicious cycle. Teaching your child to run from a stranger may teach them to miss out on some of the best opportunities in life.

     It would be taboo for me to smile at your children, to perhaps give them a wrapped lollipop, and why? Even my closest friends with children have told me that they would not let their child accept candy from the likes of me; why? Because I have a ring around my lip and one through my nose, because I have dyed black hair and painted nails, because you assume that I am ignorant and mean, when I am most likely more intelligent than you – in fact, I know I am, because I know that appearance does not dictate behavior. Am I really the threat here? Is it that likely that I am trying to poison precious little Henry? Or is the elderly man that you encourage your child to be kind to an even bigger threat? The answer ; neither of us are. People don't do the sort of things we fear most. They do not poison children via Halloween candy, they do not throw used needles into ball pits at the local McDonalds, they do not construct stories about lost pets. If I wanted to inflict harm on your baby, I would just take him. I wouldn't poison him slowly, I wouldn't waste time with a story - I would just snatch him in a crowded mall, play him off as my own. I would nab him from your backyard while you watched the daytime soaps. Do you see where I am going with this? The perceived threats differ by miles from the real ones, and therefore, inspiring fear does not help. It will not prevent the inevitable; if I make up my mind to hurt you, I will do it, and no amount of planning will change that.

     Why then, do you watch these images? Why do you think it is "important" to know that another killer has been caught; does it make you feel safer at night? There are millions more out there, lady, and one might live next door to you, but you don't worry about that. You let the media dictate when, where, and of whom you are frightened, and it is that mold that I am breaking. I will think for myself, I will continue to live in my "dangerous" world of obliviousness; I will believe that people, as a whole, are good, and are not out to rape me and kill my children before my eyes. You say, "Big mistake, what would you do if that happened and you never even gave thought to a plan?" It doesn't matter how many cop shows I've seen, how many self-defense classes I've taken; if this man (or woman) has intended all along to inflict such pain on me, there is nothing I could have done that would have prepared me for this moment. Sure, I will fight, but I will realistically probably not survive, but neither would you, with all your bravado – in fact, I bet you would die first. Seeing a situation unfold is different than living in it, and thus, I will not prepare for something that will never happen the same way again.

     Instead, I will laugh and cry for the good things. I will still smile at your children in the mall, even as you rush them away from me; I can be your bad guy - hell, if I am the worst person that little Susanne ever encounters I would LOVE to be your bad guy. I will take my dogs for walks at night (but what about all the gangsters?), I will drive through bad parts of town alone (me, the rich, pretty white girl), I will read my books and find solace, and I will love all around me, regardless of their orientation in my life. I will let you call me stupid, because we both know who the real fool is.  I will live the good life at any costs (just as you will paint the world black), and nothing will change that. In short, I will only read the good news.